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Noise

I don’t do well with noise. I am a huge fan of golden silence. Probably half my problem these past couple of weeks…Even when Bill was still here, he’d get up and head off to work, Michael would go off to school, the dogs would all settle down for their naps, and I’d have beautiful, sweet silence. Not so much now with another person in the house…

 

Mom’s a talker. A constant talker. And a fairly negative commentator. I grit my teeth and shoulders tense, bury my face in my book…I don’t like noise. And I can’t get away from it right now. There isn’t an off button. Deep breath, try another paragraph…

 

I’m sure I sound ungrateful. She did fly up from Florida to help me get through my recovery time, and I am thankful for that. It’s just everything else that comes along with it is a rather hard pill to swallow.

 

Michael is having a difficult time right now dealing with our upcoming move. Facing leaving all his friends once more, and heading into the great unknown of another school and having to make new friends all over again is very daunting. Daddy’s been gone almost two months now. Then he watched as I lost control during the tremors and was rushed off to the emergency room in an ambulance, followed a few weeks later by a stay in the hospital for surgery. How much more can be piled upon his shoulders? I’m in my forties and it’s a struggle for me to handle…I can’t begin to imagine how scary all of this is for a ten year old!

 

So he’s been acting out and having meltdowns. And I’m getting lectured about how my child isn’t normal and he needs help because he’s too out of control. Everything in his life is not normal and out of control right now! She broadcasts to her friends his bizarre behavior and my apparent lack of parenting skills, as if my family’s private business is hers to share and I fume inside.

 

So I cherish my few hours of morning time in silence. Pray for peace, strength, patience. Wishing my husband was here, wishing all of this was over. I need to get back to my routine, and find the quiet within. Soon…soon…

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